How The Thought, “I Deserve It” Sabotages Weight Loss
One of the obstacles I often see standing in the way of my clients creating the permanent weight loss result they want is the thought that they deserve certain foods.
These foods are typically not whole foods, and instead junk foods made with sugar, refined flour, and trans fats, all of which do not support their weight loss goals.
My client, Jane, expressed a cycle she has been battling with that I see so many of my clients struggling with, and I too have been caught in it.
Jane shared, “I want to get out of a particular cycle. I can create a balanced food plan and stick to it. But then I find myself making a particular exception when it comes to enjoying “rewards (ex. sugar, glass of wine, bread)” for eating well. For example, I will finish 10 days of eating healthy and balanced with no sugar, wine, bread, etc., and then at a certain point, I will tell myself “I deserve this treat”…which slowly becomes treats, plural. And then I spin out of control. Three days later I am left feeling bad and guilty. I then make the slow climb back to balance and eating healthy again.”
What does “I deserve this treat” mean?
Does anyone ever deserve anything they get?
What are your beliefs?
In order to create new results in our lives, we have to start by challenging what thoughts our brain is currently offering leading to our current feelings → actions → results.
When we tell ourselves we deserve something, like bread, it creates the feeling of desire for it, and often we give into the urge to eat it.
Often what we deserve isn’t what we provide to ourselves.
For example, consuming sugar or bread can make you feel bloated or tired after you eat it.
Additionally, after eating it, many feel bad/guilt/regret too.
Are bloated, tired, and regret what you deserve?
We have results we want to be creating to provide us with a life we want to be living, but we don’t stop to analyze or recognize how thinking we deserve something truly impacts us.
Many clients come to me believing that life is better with sugar, wine and bread like Jane.
But this isn’t “true.”
The belief that life is better with certain foods and drinks is simply a thought we made up, and chose to believe.
Your primitive brain avoids discomfort and wants easy-pleasure, so of course, it’s offering you thoughts incongruent with your weight loss goals.
The primitive brain wants what it wants.
Our brains are wired to look for what is easy, pleasurable, and painless (also known as the “Motivational Triad” – read more about it here in my article, “If You Have Struggled With Weight Maintenance, Your Beliefs About You May Be The Problem”).
Sometimes our brains have thoughts that food protocols are hard, boring, and painful.
Nothing has gone wrong, your brain is just doing what brains do.
If you believed that it was possible for you to feel willing about your protocol, what might you do next?
Until we are ready to believe something different, our brain will continue to offer us the same thoughts.
Looking at these thoughts and beliefs, and the results they create is important so we can decide if they are leading to results we truly desire.
We have to keep our higher brain, which cares about our long-term well-being, in charge of our food choices by planning any foods we eat 24 hours in advance rather than listening to our lower, primitive brain, which only cares about immediate gratification.
Believing you deserve sugar, bread, or a glass of wine is simply a thought error that creates desire for those things.
When we have these thought errors and reward them with food or drinks, it makes them feel more true, and easier to choose.
How does the thought, “I deserve it” feel in your body?
Usually that thought generates the feelings of entitlement or deprivation.
Entitlement and deprivation create a tightness, closed, or constricted feeling in the body—that’s usually a sign you’re telling yourself a lie.
If you dropped the narrative of “deservingness,” how might you think about following your food plan and honoring your true desire to get to a healthy weight and permanently stay there?
Consider what you are depriving yourself of when you do give into your urge to eat.
Ask yourself:
What do I truly want?
What do I truly deserve?
What is my “treat” or “reward” costing me (financially, but more importantly emotionally, and physically) in my life?
How much brain space is my “treat” or “reward” taking up in my mind?
What would I fill my brain with if I could choose to think about anything else?
What do I want more than this “treat” or “reward? “
Be willing to forego the immediate pleasure of food for the long term pleasure of achieving and living at your natural weight.
Finally, I’ll leave you with some intentional thoughts to consider the next time you catch yourself feeling deserving of treats and other foods that don’t align with your weight goals:
I deserve peace around food.
I really want to be thin and regain my health, and I’m willing to experience discomfort and cravings to have it.
I can handle uncomfortable feelings.
I’m learning how to be a person for whom food is fuel and life is the treat/joy/amazing.
I’m learning how to manage my mind and my urges to create the body I want.
This is so worth it.
This is hard but I’m up for it.
It’s OK if I feel deprived.